Forgiveness

This is a very hard topic to talk about. I don't want to step on any toes. So please take kindly to my words, and understand that they are meant to heal not hurt. (Examples provided are not to say yours should or shouldn't turn out like that. They are just examples I have seen in my own life on forgiveness.) Thank you.

I recently read this post on a great blog about a couple who have both come from previous marriages and they talk about love, life, and infertility. It's a great blog to read. Anyways back to forgiveness. They read a book that said this:

"Forgiveness is the surrender of our victimhood--taking back the power of full personhood that was stripped from us by another or ourselves. Either we find our way to let go of the victimhood of unforgiveness or we don't. Either we stop thinking, planning, worrying about it and become free from it and delivered from it, or we don't. God won't do it for us. Until we forgive [and] set ourselves free, we are not forgiven [or]set free...
...The evidence of true forgiveness is the freedom to continue to act lovingly despite the hurts and tragedies we endure."
(David Brisbin-The Fifth Way)

Lesson learned:
I truly believe that forgiveness is the key to happiness. There is always reason to be offended, or hurt by others, including being so harsh on ourselves (thinking less of yourself because of choices you've made). We are not perfect. People are not perfect. The people we love and who love us are not perfect. EVERYONE makes mistakes, and unintentionally or intentionally we can hurt people in the process by making those mistakes.  I have had my fair share of hurt feelings and I'm sure my fair share of hurting others unintentionally.  Choices I have made have hurt others. Or myself. And choices other people have made have hurt me. It hurts. And in some cases seems unforgivable.

"I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men."
(Doctrine & Covenants 64:10)

 I have seen the act of being unable to forgive ruin lives. I have seen the act of being able to forgive change and renew lives. I have seen someone unable to forgive over forgetting to give back a movie and never speaking to one another again (they are sisters). I have seen someone forgive the drunk driver that killed their child and have been able to feel the sunshine on their face again without having any bitterness towards this person. I have seen forgiveness in a marriage where a husband has been unfaithful to his wife, they are happy and still married and very much in love. I have seen the act of not being able to forgive in a marriage with both partners making mistakes, that has ended in divorce, with much bitterness and hardships created for their children and others they know, now and i'm sure in years to come. I have seen unforgiveness in an ended marriage affect and hinder the new marriage this person has, not able to truly enjoy what they have because of bitterness with the past. I have seen a friend forgive themselves for mistakes they have made and have truly embraced their new life with hope and surety they are cleansed through the Atonement of Jesus Christ.

I believe forgiveness to also be one of the hardest commandments of the Lord. It is such a raw emotion that I personally would rather not touch. But it has to be touched. It has to be dealt with. We need to forgive. We need to be forgiving.

I know through the Atonement of Jesus Christ, we can forgive. When we truly embrace His love and His teachings, we can forgive. I have felt it and I have seen it used in many lives. We can find happiness through forgiveness. No matter the situation, the Atonement can provide feelings of peace and come to a true understanding of forgiveness.  It does not always mean it will fix the problem, like stated above "freedom to continue to act lovingly despite the hurts and tragedies we endure." There is always room to forgive no matter the hurt. We can have peace. It takes work, but we can have it.

Arise

Lesson Learned:
"By the way you live the gospel, you reflect [the Savior's] light. Your example will have a powerful effect for good on the earth. 'Arise and shine forth, that thy light may be a standard for the nations' (D&C 115:5) is a call to each of you. It is a call to move to higher ground. It is a call to leadership—to lead out in decency, purity, modesty, and holiness. It is a call to share this light with others. It is time to 'arise and shine forth.' "
-Elaine S. Dalton

Faithful Obedience

Lesson Learned:
"At time we may rationalize that the Lord will understand our disobedience because our special circumstances make adherence to His laws difficult, embarrassing, or even painful.  However, faithful obedience, regardless of the apparent size of the task, will bring the Lord's guidance, assistance, and peace."
-Bruce A. Carlson

I have experienced this in my own life.  Times when I chose to rationalize my choices and times when I chose to be obedient to the Lord's will.  I remember clearly an experience that caused much embarrassment and was most certainly difficult to keep to my standards the Lord has provided for us. I was a teenager and it was a typical Friday night hanging out with friends.  We chose a certain movie to watch.  I had wanted to see this movie for a while and was very excited.  Just as the movie was starting I remembered that my mom had said this movie was inappropriate and I probably shouldn't watch it, but being a teenager I didn't believe her.  Not even ten minutes into the movie it had become so inappropriate I found myself very uncomfortable and my heart was pounding.  I was so embarrassed, I really wanted to see this movie, and everyone else seemed to be enthralled in it.  I felt I was the only one feeling uncomfortable.  It took everything I had to stand up and "go to the bathroom".  I knew I didn't want to go back in that room til the movie was over or turned off but I had no where else to go because I didn't know this friend's house very well and I was all alone.

Difficult and Embarrassing.

Several times I thought to myself: Do I go back and just not pay attention? Do I play a game on my phone? Do I call my mom to go home (embarrassing as a 14 year old)? Do I sit here, awkwardly in this house til the movie is over?

Here's where the "Lord's guidance, assistance, and peace" come into play.  Once I had decided to not go back in the room, I found a nice back room where hopefully no one else in the house would cross paths with me and I sat there.  It seemed like eternity. (probably 5 minutes)  I heard footsteps and around the corner pops my friend.  She looks at me with this worried look on her face and asked what I was doing.  Ha. I'd been caught. I told her I didn't really appreciate the movie and no longer wanted to watch it.  She had this HUGE sigh of relief and said she felt the same way.  She saw me get up and noticed I didn't come back and wondered if I left for the same reasons she wanted to leave.  So we sat there and talked.  Assistance from the Lord? yes.  Peace? yes.  Guidance? yes. Because I left she had the courage to leave also and the Lord ensured that we were not alone in our valiant choice as embarrassing as it felt.  By the end of the movie two more of our friends staggered there way into the room I found and stated they wished they had left sooner.

Your typical primary "movie scenario"? Maybe. But looking back on that choice, I recognize the Lord's hand in my life at that time as He provided friends, peace, and means for me to make the right decision.  Yes the other friends wondered why we left and passed judgments, but I am grateful to know I made the right choice. And grateful the Lord helped ease the burden a bit.  I am grateful for the Lord and the help that He gives us.  The assurance that we are not alone, and when we are obedient to Him, He will guide and protect us.

Believe

Lesson Learned:

"God is eagerly waiting for the chance to answer your prayers and fulfill  your dreams, just as He always has.  But He can't if you don't pray, and He can't if you don't dream.  In short, He can't if you don't believe." 

-Jeffry R. Holland

There is still my joy

Be sure to push pause on the music playing below.  I don't love the little slideshow but it was the only video I could find with this song that was somewhat watchable. 

Lesson Learned:

I fell in love with this song. It's been such a long two weeks for my family. One thing I have learned though is exactly what this song portrays.

"There is still my joy."

Through all of life's experiences, trials, hardships, and afflictions....It is comforting to know that the one thing I have through all of it is my joy.  I can still have joy.

(2 Nephi 10)
"23 Therefore, cheer up your hears and remember that ye are free to act for yourselves--to choose the way of everlasting death or the way of eternal life.
24...that it is only in and through the grace of God that ye are saved."

(2 Nephi 11)
"5....my soul delighteth in his grace, and in his justice, and power, and mercy in the great and eternal plan of deliverance from death.
7 For there be no Christ there be no God; and if there be no God we are not, for there could have been no creation. But there is a God, and he is Christ, and he cometh in the fulness of his own time."

Because of that child we celebrate this time of year,  we can still have joy. We are free to choose that joy.

Obedience

Lesson Learned:
"Obedience brings blessings. Exact obedience brings miracles."
(Unknown)

Plans

I feel like I'm sitting on pins and needles waiting, waiting, waiting to hear where we are going for the next 3-ish years. Sometimes it's very frustrating to be patient, ha.  I look back to even a year ago and remember that I was NOT excited to move, be an Air Force wife, etc... Funny how that wasn't my plan and yet it was the Lord's plan. And how it was when I was fully committed to letting Him guide my life that I found peace in my future. In His plan for me. Funny how that works. Be obedient, have faith, and He guides and blesses you. It's perfect, nothing can change that. If you do your part He has to do His.  I could be totally freaking out right now with the unknown of my future but for some reason I just have peace. Peace and excitement. Why? Because I know the Lord will do His part in guiding me to where I need to be. Because I feel I have done my best to be obedient and have faith in Him. (Really, it's a daily process, but I continue to try and do better everyday. I'm not perfect. Far from it.) Why else do I have faith in Him? Because I know He wants me to be happy, and I know He knows the best way to get me to perfect happiness. Doesn't mean I won't have trials along the way, because without those trials I can't find that perfect happiness.  You can still be happy and have trials. Trust me.

Lesson Learned:
"...whatever is meant to be will work out perfectly."
(Avril Lavine, "Hold On" lyrics)

"Having faith in the Lord is also having faith in His timing." (Unknown)

I have learned over the years that all we can do is be obedient to His will and in doing so things work out how they are supposed to.  Sometimes we cannot clearly understand His purpose and plan for us, but I have faith knowing "...whatever is meant to be will work out perfectly." His plan never fails. Period. We just need to trust Him a bit more.

Now

Lesson Learned:

"Now is the time to stand fast in our faith and on our principles. . . Now is the time to show our appreciation for the atoning sacrifice of our Lord Jesus Christ. . . .Now is the time to warn our neighbors by sharing the gospel message with them. Now is the time to provide the world with an example of decency and modesty, an example of virtue and cleanliness. . . . Now is indeed the time to show we are on the Lord's side."
Elder Robert C. Oaks

I'd rather not be one of the ten virgins that didn't have enough oil. I'd rather be the one that had plenty of oil and clearly showed the bridegroom what my intentions were. Ready. It seems I always think there will be time later to get this done, or get that done. When in reality if I don't do it then it doesn't get done. I always think, one day when I serve a mission with my husband I'll be brave enough to share the gospel. Give a random person a Book of Mormon. To be honest I don't know if I will even get that opportunity. Now, not later, is the time to live the Gospel. Right now. So here I go, trying to be more brave and as each day comes to try and fully live it better according to what I know to be true. Be more willing. Be more charitable. Have more faith. Today is the day I try to live up to my potential as a daughter of Heavenly Father. 

Repentance is like a pair of pants

When I was younger I came up with this analogy. I'm sure someone somewhere has come up with the same thing but as far as I know I haven't heard it yet. My husband thought I was crazy when I first told him about it. He gave me this look like here we go again,  Kim and her weird, random comparisons to life. Ha. In YW we have been talking about Repentance this month and it reminded me of my analogy.
Repentance is like a pair of pants:

1.    Recognize that your pants are dirty: Recognizing sin.

2.    Take the pants off: Stop sinning. Nobody wants to wear a dirty pair of pants.

3.    Put them in the washer: Going to the right source for help. Whether you need your bishop, parents, or just need to kneel down and talk to your Heavenly Father about it. Sometimes we stop the sin but don't take all the steps necessary for the forgiveness to take place. Just as sometimes our pants get thrown in a corner or stay in the laundry basket to be forgotten or not cleaned yet. We need to take them to the washer.

4.    Wash Cycle:  Represents the Atonement.  There are different types of cycles depending on the quality of the clothes. Just as we sin there are different severities and need to be taking care of in their specific needs.  When all is said and done the Atonement can make us clean once more. Some cycles are just more delicate then others. And some just take more time.

5.    Laundry detergent, bleach, and stain remover:  We can’t just expect a pair of pants to be put in the washer and become clean.  We have to put the effort into making them clean.  Just as you would put laundry detergent, bleach or stain removers in to ensure your pants will come out clean after the wash cycle, we as individuals need to make sure we are doing our part of the deal when we are asking for forgiveness. Reading our scriptures, daily prayer, attending church, fasting, and living the gospel to our best ability are steps we need to take in order to have the Atonement work in our lives. So we can become clean again.

6.    Dry Cycle: When the wash cycle is done it is important to dry your pants or they will become stiff, wrinkly, and uncomfortable to wear again.  Just as Heavenly Father forgives us it is also required of us to forgive ourselves.  When we are truly forgiven of our mistakes and when we truly forgive ourselves we have a sense of peace and comfort. We feel clean again. It is no longer a burden.  When your pants are dry from the dryer they are warm, wrinkle free, and soft once more. Ready to wear again.  

Lesson Learned:

The Atonement is meant to heal, it was never meant to be easy. It is meant to break us down and rid us of our stains. We are meant to feel “Godly Sorrow.” (Wash Cycle)

“God the Father is merciful and has infinite love for you despite your
faults. Only the voice of Satan will cause you to feel of no value. In
contrast, the Holy Ghost will cause you to feel 'godly sorrow' unto
repentance in a manner that fills you with hope of positive change."
(Anthony D. Perkins, "The Great and Wonderful Love," Ensign, Nov. 2006, 77)

Trash or treasure

Sometimes I get so caught up with the things of the world. Making sure my house is in perfect order (which never happens). Making sure its decorated all cute. Driving a nice car. Having cute, stylish clothes. Buying this, buying that. Watching this TV show. Etc....Seriously! Does it really matter. No. Maybe to the world it does. But what if everything were taken away from you. And all you had left was your knowledge.
A man I know said this statement: "If everything were taken away from me, I'm grateful to know they can't take my greatest treasure, my testimony."
I would have to agree with this statement.

Lesson Learned:
"Are you trashing your treasure and treasuring your trash?"

What am I doing to cherish my greatest treasure. To ensure that I will always have it and use it to it's full potential. What am I doing with the rest of my treasures. My husband, my son, my family, my friends, my scriptures, my one on one time with Heavenly Father (Prayer).
On the other hand what am I doing to treasure my trash. Which in turn is causing me to trash my treasures. I'm pretty sure when we return to Heavenly Father and He asks us what we treasured and held on to through out our lives, I don't think He will be impressed with our brand new cars, gorgeous houses, stylish clothes, the newest smart phone, and that we stayed up to date with the "best" TV shows.
Treasure your treasures, not your trash.

Convenient

It is interesting to me that as each day passes and I try to do my best with my life I find there are things easier to live then others when it comes to the gospel. For instance: I would never be tempted to try alcohol or smoke. But yet I seem to be too embarrassed to turn off/walk out of a movie if it isn't appropriate (in front of a crowd). Silly right. Living the gospel isn't just living the easy parts, but living all of it. Everybody has temptations, you might find someone that it is super easy to walk out of an inappropriate movie but battle everyday with the temptation to smoke or drink. It's okay to have temptations. That you can't control. You can control what you do with those temptations. 

Lesson Learned:

"Some men are willing to die for their faith, but they are not willing to fully live for it."

-Ezra Taft Benson

"It will all be worth it."

 I went and saw "17 miracles". Holy tear fest. I really really really liked the movie. Several things went through my mind as I watched it. It was about the Martin/Willie Handcart Companies crossing the plains. And the many hardships and miracles along the way. (so good, go see it) One thing I will share is this statement said from one of the members of the company:
Lesson Learned:
"It will all be worth it."
-Sarah Anne Franks (Martin/Willie Handcart Company)

That statement can be taken several ways. I won't blow the movie but in her situation she had to make a very tough decision and chose to wait to get married to her love so she could be sealed to him when they reached Salt Lake. "It will all be worth it." she said to her love as he asked why they should wait and told her the possible scenario's of one of them not making it to Salt Lake. "It will all be worth it."

The gospel can be very hard to live at times. Not just following standards and commandments that are already set in place, but often times the Lord has a plan for us and asks us to follow that plan even though it may not be easy. As such with the pioneers commanded to cross the plains.

I recently had an experience where I was given a very strong spiritual prompting to do something. Something that I didn't want to do. Knowing the outcome would probably end in a lot of emotional pain, people with hurt feelings, and a lot of frustration. I could not deny the strong impression and decided to follow through with this prompting. In doing so, a lot of feelings were hurt, emotional pain, and a lot of frustration. I still do not understand why I needed to do what I did but I know I needed to do it. The only understanding I can hold on to is that the Lord wanted me to and somewhere down the road it will be best. It was hard. Extremely hard. But, I have peace knowing I followed the prompting, and even though it brought me much grief I know one day it will have hopefully mended what needs to be mended. In the back of my mind "It will all be worth it." keeps running through. I have faith in Christ and know that one day this one decision I made will be worth it.
Living the gospel will all be worth it.

Happy

Lesson Learned:
"Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections."
-Unknown

To be or not to be

Sometimes I wonder why I make the choices I do. I know what is right. I know what is wrong. I know I am a child of God and that He loves me and that He has given me everything. I am breathing because of Him. So if He has given me everything, if He has suffered the ultimate for me, then why? why do I still do things I ought not to do?! Or why do I think the way I do sometimes. Why am I so quick to judge, or get offended, or put someone down? And then after doing those things I wonder why I am not happy. 


Lesson learned:
"To be without God in the world--in other words, to refuse to live His gospel and therefore lack the companionship of the Spirit--is to be in a state contrary to the nature of happiness. The gospel of Jesus Christ is, in fact, the--note that this is singular, meaning it is the only--'great plan of happiness' (Alma 42:8). If you opt for any other way of life or try to live only the parts of the gospel that seem convenient, such a choice will cheat you of the full, resplendent joy and happiness for which you were designed by our loving Father in Heaven and His Son."
(Marcus B. Nash, "The Great Plan of Happiness," Ensign, Nov. 2006, 49)


The spirit cannot dwell with us at all times when we are partly living the gospel. Cause when we are partly doing things that the Lord has asked us not to, we are partly living two lives. And somewhere down the road we can't live both lives and we have to choose. It is simple. Make wrong choices and be not happy. Make good choices and be happy. I think everyone could agree with me they would much rather be happy right? He knows we are not perfect. But He also knows that we can become perfect. When I think of perfect I think of happiness. Purely happy. Joy. Perfectly happy. So why not choose to be happy.  As I make my day to day choices and decisions I will strive to remember why I'm here. I'm here to find happiness. I'm here to become perfect like Him. So why choose to be bitter, when He is forgiving. Why choose to judge, when we are just as imperfect. Why choose to put her down, when she is a daughter of God too, just as loved, just as important to Him as me. Once again, why not choose to be happy. Live to be happy.

Perspective

Lesson Learned:
"Everything in the world isn't worth what the Lord has in store for you!"
                                                                  -President Barker

Kite Flying

Yesterday I had the opportunity to go to the General Young Women Auxiliary Leadership Training Meeting. It was really uplifting. The last speaker talked about his mother and how she loved to fly kites with her father. One day she was flying a kite with her father when she was younger. She came up with the brilliant idea that if she let go of the kite it would fly even higher. Oh how she wanted to let this kite fly high into the sky. She even thought maybe I will break the world record of the highest a kite has flown. She asked her father if she could let go to let the kite fly higher. And her father replied with a simple no. She then asked again a few minutes later if she could let the kite go, wanting so badly to let it fly high. He again replied no that is not a good idea. She thought to herself I'm holding this kite down and if only I could let it go it could go even higher. So once more she asked her father if she could let the kite go to fly high in the sky. He replied no once more, and that it was not a good idea. But also told her it was her choice if she wanted to let go. So the little girl used her free agency and best judgement and let the kite go. Sadness came upon the little girl. For the kite did not fly high into the sky. The second she let go it flew sideways, then down down, and got tangled in the trees.
Lessons Learned:
"Sometimes the things that we think are holding us down are actually holding us up."
This is true in so many aspects. The one I would like to compare it to is the Gospel of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and the standards we are to live by. Following the commandments is not always easy. Following the Gospel is not always easy. Being the odd one out because of the standards you have is NOT always easy. Choosing to say no to that cute guys who asked you out on your first date because you are not 16 yet is not always easy. Putting on the modest dress even though it may not be as cute as everyone else's is not always easy. Saying NO to your friends, or simply stop being friends with them because the choices they are making aren't good choices is not always easy. Going through trials and tribulations in any part of life is not always easy. It is NOT always easy to be a member of the church. BUT it is worth it. Sometimes I think we tend to forget that when we are following these gospel principles and going through the hard times that it is for our good. If we do not remember that it is really those principles and Jesus Christ at the base holding us down we would not be flying at all. If we fail to recognize that the standards of the gospel are for our benefit and help us then we fail to fly. When we have Christ as our base, holding our string, that is when we are able to fly higher and higher. The more we put our trust in Him and follow His teachings, the stronger our string becomes which allows Christ to let us go higher. We can not go higher if we do not have the strength for it or we will break. We will lose our base. Trust in Him. Push through those hard times. Because if you do, when all is said and done your kite will be flying higher then you ever imagined. You will not be tangled in a tree. He is not holding us down. He is holding us up.

Virtuous Women

This past week we did a really fun activity for Young Womens. Our theme for this month is Virtuous Choices. So we had some virtuous women of the past come and speak to our girls.

We had Eve, Mary, a Stripling Warrior's Mother, Emma Smith, and Queen Esther talk. I think the girls liked it, or it could have been because they were making fun of our bad acting skills and silly costumes. I thought it ended up being a very spiritual night. We had the room only lit by lamps to kinda tone down the mood for the night. It was a big success.

Lesson Learned:
 I chose to be a Stripling Warrior's mother because of their obedience to the Lord. I can't imagine first not being able to defend for your life and second sending your son to battle not know if he would ever return to you. What a hard covenant to be obedient to. They were so brave.  I felt I could relate to this the most out of all the other Virtuous Women. I know that I have been blessed with a wonderful husband and son because of my obedience to the Lord.  There was a point in my life that I wasn't making the best decisions. It was when I asked for forgiveness and changed those things about my life the Lord blessed me. He blessed me with Brian. I have been so happy ever since.  I know my happiness has come from obedience to the Gospel.  I know I didn't have to worry for my life or send my son out to battle to keep a commandment but there definitely were hard moments and choices I had to make. People to say goodbye to. But the Lord knows best. He always will. I'm grateful for this activity and for the lessons it taught me.

Integrity

Lesson Learned:

"Good men sometimes make mistakes. A man of integrity will honestly face and correct his mistakes, and that is an example we can respect. Sometimes men try but fail. Not all worthy objectives are realized despite one's honest and best efforts. True manhood is not always measured by the fruits of one's labors but by the labors themselves--by one's striving."

(D. Todd Christofferson, "Let Us Be Men," Ensign, Nov. 2006, 47-48)

Short Cuts

My sweet husband and his presidency for Young Mens spoke in church on Sunday.  I thought they did a great job.  The talk that stuck out to me the most was the one his Secretary gave.  He talked about "short cuts".  He talked about how we need to keep the commandments and follow the principles of the gospel and not try to find  short cuts. He said there are three main reasons why we have a hard time following the commandments. 1. We simply don't want to. 2. We think it's too hard.  3. We think it does not apply to us. ALL COMMANDMENTS APPLY TO US! The Lord may even understand our thinking of why we may not think this commandment does not apply but it still doesn't make it right.  It is still the Lord's commandment and we are still commanded to follow it. Although at times we may think that they are too hard or that it is restricting, it isn't.  If you understand that the Lord has given us these commandments for our benefit then you will understand that the Lord would not give us anything that we can't handle.  It is not too hard. It can't be.  The Lord promises us that we can do it. He also promises us that when we follow His commandments he will bless us.  Let me repeat...He will bless us. Lessons Learned:
1. Doctrine & Covenants 82:10 "I, the Lord, am bound when ye do what I say; but when ye do not what I say, ye have no promise."
2. Doctrine & Covenants 130: 20-21 "There is a law, irrevocably decreed in heaven before the foundations of this world, upon which all blessings are predicated. And when we obtain any blessing from God, it is by obedience to that law upon which it is predicated."
3. Don't take short cuts when it comes to the Lord's will. If you stay on the narrow path he is "bound" and promises to bless us.

Not a state of mind... but a lifestyle

Lesson Learned:

"When I was little, my mom told me that the key to life is happiness. I went to school & they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down "happy". They said that I didn't understand the assignment. I said that they didn’t understand life."