Forgiveness

This is a very hard topic to talk about. I don't want to step on any toes. So please take kindly to my words, and understand that they are meant to heal not hurt. (Examples provided are not to say yours should or shouldn't turn out like that. They are just examples I have seen in my own life on forgiveness.) Thank you.

I recently read this post on a great blog about a couple who have both come from previous marriages and they talk about love, life, and infertility. It's a great blog to read. Anyways back to forgiveness. They read a book that said this:

"Forgiveness is the surrender of our victimhood--taking back the power of full personhood that was stripped from us by another or ourselves. Either we find our way to let go of the victimhood of unforgiveness or we don't. Either we stop thinking, planning, worrying about it and become free from it and delivered from it, or we don't. God won't do it for us. Until we forgive [and] set ourselves free, we are not forgiven [or]set free...
...The evidence of true forgiveness is the freedom to continue to act lovingly despite the hurts and tragedies we endure."
(David Brisbin-The Fifth Way)

Lesson learned:
I truly believe that forgiveness is the key to happiness. There is always reason to be offended, or hurt by others, including being so harsh on ourselves (thinking less of yourself because of choices you've made). We are not perfect. People are not perfect. The people we love and who love us are not perfect. EVERYONE makes mistakes, and unintentionally or intentionally we can hurt people in the process by making those mistakes.  I have had my fair share of hurt feelings and I'm sure my fair share of hurting others unintentionally.  Choices I have made have hurt others. Or myself. And choices other people have made have hurt me. It hurts. And in some cases seems unforgivable.

"I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men."
(Doctrine & Covenants 64:10)

 I have seen the act of being unable to forgive ruin lives. I have seen the act of being able to forgive change and renew lives. I have seen someone unable to forgive over forgetting to give back a movie and never speaking to one another again (they are sisters). I have seen someone forgive the drunk driver that killed their child and have been able to feel the sunshine on their face again without having any bitterness towards this person. I have seen forgiveness in a marriage where a husband has been unfaithful to his wife, they are happy and still married and very much in love. I have seen the act of not being able to forgive in a marriage with both partners making mistakes, that has ended in divorce, with much bitterness and hardships created for their children and others they know, now and i'm sure in years to come. I have seen unforgiveness in an ended marriage affect and hinder the new marriage this person has, not able to truly enjoy what they have because of bitterness with the past. I have seen a friend forgive themselves for mistakes they have made and have truly embraced their new life with hope and surety they are cleansed through the Atonement of Jesus Christ.

I believe forgiveness to also be one of the hardest commandments of the Lord. It is such a raw emotion that I personally would rather not touch. But it has to be touched. It has to be dealt with. We need to forgive. We need to be forgiving.

I know through the Atonement of Jesus Christ, we can forgive. When we truly embrace His love and His teachings, we can forgive. I have felt it and I have seen it used in many lives. We can find happiness through forgiveness. No matter the situation, the Atonement can provide feelings of peace and come to a true understanding of forgiveness.  It does not always mean it will fix the problem, like stated above "freedom to continue to act lovingly despite the hurts and tragedies we endure." There is always room to forgive no matter the hurt. We can have peace. It takes work, but we can have it.

Potential.

Lesson Learned:
"When in situations of stress we wonder if there is any more in us to give, we can be comforted to know that God, who knows our capacity perfectly, placed us here to succeed."
(Neal A. Maxwell)

"You were given this life because you were strong enough to live it."
(unknown)

Arise

Lesson Learned:
"By the way you live the gospel, you reflect [the Savior's] light. Your example will have a powerful effect for good on the earth. 'Arise and shine forth, that thy light may be a standard for the nations' (D&C 115:5) is a call to each of you. It is a call to move to higher ground. It is a call to leadership—to lead out in decency, purity, modesty, and holiness. It is a call to share this light with others. It is time to 'arise and shine forth.' "
-Elaine S. Dalton

Faithful Obedience

Lesson Learned:
"At time we may rationalize that the Lord will understand our disobedience because our special circumstances make adherence to His laws difficult, embarrassing, or even painful.  However, faithful obedience, regardless of the apparent size of the task, will bring the Lord's guidance, assistance, and peace."
-Bruce A. Carlson

I have experienced this in my own life.  Times when I chose to rationalize my choices and times when I chose to be obedient to the Lord's will.  I remember clearly an experience that caused much embarrassment and was most certainly difficult to keep to my standards the Lord has provided for us. I was a teenager and it was a typical Friday night hanging out with friends.  We chose a certain movie to watch.  I had wanted to see this movie for a while and was very excited.  Just as the movie was starting I remembered that my mom had said this movie was inappropriate and I probably shouldn't watch it, but being a teenager I didn't believe her.  Not even ten minutes into the movie it had become so inappropriate I found myself very uncomfortable and my heart was pounding.  I was so embarrassed, I really wanted to see this movie, and everyone else seemed to be enthralled in it.  I felt I was the only one feeling uncomfortable.  It took everything I had to stand up and "go to the bathroom".  I knew I didn't want to go back in that room til the movie was over or turned off but I had no where else to go because I didn't know this friend's house very well and I was all alone.

Difficult and Embarrassing.

Several times I thought to myself: Do I go back and just not pay attention? Do I play a game on my phone? Do I call my mom to go home (embarrassing as a 14 year old)? Do I sit here, awkwardly in this house til the movie is over?

Here's where the "Lord's guidance, assistance, and peace" come into play.  Once I had decided to not go back in the room, I found a nice back room where hopefully no one else in the house would cross paths with me and I sat there.  It seemed like eternity. (probably 5 minutes)  I heard footsteps and around the corner pops my friend.  She looks at me with this worried look on her face and asked what I was doing.  Ha. I'd been caught. I told her I didn't really appreciate the movie and no longer wanted to watch it.  She had this HUGE sigh of relief and said she felt the same way.  She saw me get up and noticed I didn't come back and wondered if I left for the same reasons she wanted to leave.  So we sat there and talked.  Assistance from the Lord? yes.  Peace? yes.  Guidance? yes. Because I left she had the courage to leave also and the Lord ensured that we were not alone in our valiant choice as embarrassing as it felt.  By the end of the movie two more of our friends staggered there way into the room I found and stated they wished they had left sooner.

Your typical primary "movie scenario"? Maybe. But looking back on that choice, I recognize the Lord's hand in my life at that time as He provided friends, peace, and means for me to make the right decision.  Yes the other friends wondered why we left and passed judgments, but I am grateful to know I made the right choice. And grateful the Lord helped ease the burden a bit.  I am grateful for the Lord and the help that He gives us.  The assurance that we are not alone, and when we are obedient to Him, He will guide and protect us.

Convenient Service

Today in church my friend made a comment about service.  It really has stuck hard with me.  She shared how she has been striving to give more service.  She wondered if she has been doing enough service lately and really struggled with this thought.  Then a man she works with said this statement:

Lesson Learned:
"If it is convenient for you, then it is probably not service."

um...ouch. Haha. Seriously, ouch. My heart just sank. I learned today. A real good one. Service is sacrifice. Sacrifice for others.  Do I only serve when it is convenient for me? How selfish. Christ didn't wait for when it was convenient for Him to Atone for our sins in Gethsemane.  He didn't wait for when he had nothing to do to wash the feet of His apostles, or calm the seas in a raging storm, or heal the sick, or perform miracles, or raise the dead. In fact, He never did it on "His time".  His whole life was for "our time". He didn't live for Himself, He lived for us. I think I can give up some of "my time" to do visiting teaching, or make dinner for a neighbor, or take a young woman to school...
When, in fact, it really isn't "my time" anyways. It's His.

Individual Worth

Lesson Learned:
"Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God."
(Doctrine & Covenants 18:10)

"If only we could see ourselves the way God sees us."

We are great in the eyes of God. We need to treat ourselves as such.

Plans

I feel like I'm sitting on pins and needles waiting, waiting, waiting to hear where we are going for the next 3-ish years. Sometimes it's very frustrating to be patient, ha.  I look back to even a year ago and remember that I was NOT excited to move, be an Air Force wife, etc... Funny how that wasn't my plan and yet it was the Lord's plan. And how it was when I was fully committed to letting Him guide my life that I found peace in my future. In His plan for me. Funny how that works. Be obedient, have faith, and He guides and blesses you. It's perfect, nothing can change that. If you do your part He has to do His.  I could be totally freaking out right now with the unknown of my future but for some reason I just have peace. Peace and excitement. Why? Because I know the Lord will do His part in guiding me to where I need to be. Because I feel I have done my best to be obedient and have faith in Him. (Really, it's a daily process, but I continue to try and do better everyday. I'm not perfect. Far from it.) Why else do I have faith in Him? Because I know He wants me to be happy, and I know He knows the best way to get me to perfect happiness. Doesn't mean I won't have trials along the way, because without those trials I can't find that perfect happiness.  You can still be happy and have trials. Trust me.

Lesson Learned:
"...whatever is meant to be will work out perfectly."
(Avril Lavine, "Hold On" lyrics)

"Having faith in the Lord is also having faith in His timing." (Unknown)

I have learned over the years that all we can do is be obedient to His will and in doing so things work out how they are supposed to.  Sometimes we cannot clearly understand His purpose and plan for us, but I have faith knowing "...whatever is meant to be will work out perfectly." His plan never fails. Period. We just need to trust Him a bit more.

Peace, faith, gratitude

Last week we found out my husband got the engineer slot in the Air Force, we have been waiting for a very long time (last March) to find this out. And in waiting, it's interesting the things that have happened that have prepared me for my future as a military wife. Even after he put in for the slot I STILL didn't love the idea of the military. I struggled, really struggled. It's hard to explain the emotions felt but lets just say it was not something I dreamed about as a little girl.

Something changed in the last few months. I don't know exactly when it happened but I know what made it happen. My feelings of fear, anger, sadness, and abandonment have almost all but left me. In their place, I have deep gratitude and peace. 

Gratitude for my Heavenly Father, Savior, family, friends, strangers I've crossed paths with, and my country. Especially for my Heavenly Father and Savior. I put my complete faith and trust in them. My whole future. No back up plan. And in doing that one thing, they gave me more then I even bargained for.  Not only did the Lord take care of me and reassure to me that He will ALWAYS be there to take care of me but He gave me many life experiences that has taught me some very valuable things the past couple months. My perspective on a lot things has changed, and to that I am deeply grateful. My days are filled with more joy because of this perspective. I am more grateful for the little things. Like that old guy at the grocery store who stopped to simply try and make my son smile. He will never know that because of him and his friendliness, I'm not scared anymore to go grocery shopping (because of the shooting by my house).  Silly but really.
I am proud to say that I am still nervous, but I am excited. I'm excited to see what my future holds and happy to be a military wife. To support my husband and my country. I have faith knowing the Lord's plan for my little family is important and that He will always be there along the way.

Lesson Learned:
"I will not leave you comfortless, I will come to you." (John 14:18)
"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." (John 14:27)


A very very good friend of mine, some one who I look up to and that I hold very dear to my heart told this to me once (she knows who she is):

"Fear knocked
Faith answered
Nothing was there"


Faith is real. It works. The Lord is real. He is there. He answers prayers. And He will never leave us. I know that to be true because I have tried faith and have felt His guiding hand in my life. Even in the darkest moments. To that I will be forever grateful.

hobby or calling

Lesson Learned:

"Motherhood is not a hobby, it is a calling. You do not collect children because you find them cuter than stamps. It is not something to do if you can squeeze the time in. It is what God gave you time for."

-Neil A. Andersen

I am His daughter

I recently heard this song on the radio and fell in love with it.  The words are so powerful and have truly helped me feel of more worth and recognize my divine potential as a daughter of God.

Lesson Learned:

Be sure to push pause on the music below to watch this video.

*I am His Daugther*

The photos in the magazines

Don't dictate who I'm supposed to be

The world can't recognize, all that I am inside

But I know in His eyes, I am a part of, the bigger picture.

{Chorus}

There's so much more to me 

He helps me see that I have so much to offer 

I am His daughter

He loves me the way I am,

He's my strength when I stand

He is my King, and my Father,

I am His daughter

The People on the TV screen, 

The leaders, rulers, and queens

I watch them shape the world,

And though I'm just a girl, I still know for sure, 

That I am a part of, the bigger picture

{Chorus}

And when I'm feeling small,

 And wondering if I'll ever, find courage to stand tall

Through His love I remember

{Chorus}

(by,  Nicole Sheahan)

Now

Lesson Learned:

"Now is the time to stand fast in our faith and on our principles. . . Now is the time to show our appreciation for the atoning sacrifice of our Lord Jesus Christ. . . .Now is the time to warn our neighbors by sharing the gospel message with them. Now is the time to provide the world with an example of decency and modesty, an example of virtue and cleanliness. . . . Now is indeed the time to show we are on the Lord's side."
Elder Robert C. Oaks

I'd rather not be one of the ten virgins that didn't have enough oil. I'd rather be the one that had plenty of oil and clearly showed the bridegroom what my intentions were. Ready. It seems I always think there will be time later to get this done, or get that done. When in reality if I don't do it then it doesn't get done. I always think, one day when I serve a mission with my husband I'll be brave enough to share the gospel. Give a random person a Book of Mormon. To be honest I don't know if I will even get that opportunity. Now, not later, is the time to live the Gospel. Right now. So here I go, trying to be more brave and as each day comes to try and fully live it better according to what I know to be true. Be more willing. Be more charitable. Have more faith. Today is the day I try to live up to my potential as a daughter of Heavenly Father. 

Change

I had an experience when I was younger that was really a defining moment on how I perceived change. And that is was a good thing. I had just had a summer of pure bliss with a really good friend.  Everyday was spent doing something unproductive and fun. I really felt I had gained a "best" friendship, so to speak. Then it seemed to happen overnight, suddenly we stopped hanging out and our friendship dwindled really fast. There were never any hard feelings or anything to end it. . .  it just stopped. I had a really hard time with this.  I kept thinking why something so great would just end.  Why couldn't that friendship be what it was forever. Then one night as I was praying I had this overwhelming feeling of happiness. And I realized a couple things. First, that change is good. Second, that sometimes Heavenly Father puts people into our lives for a specific reason and then when that reason has been fulfilled they leave. Simple as that. I look back and realize she was my friend at a crucial time in my life and helped me gain the confidence I needed to overcome future trials that were coming my way.


Lesson Learned:
"When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us."
(Helen Keller )


I feel as though change is coming on. It's that same feeling I got when I graduated from high school. It's the same feeling I got when I started college, when I first met Brian, when I got married, when Porter came into our lives. Whatever the change may be, I still have a hard time with change, even though I know that it is a good thing. I just hope to remember that one good thing is ending to make room for another good thing later.

Trash or treasure

Sometimes I get so caught up with the things of the world. Making sure my house is in perfect order (which never happens). Making sure its decorated all cute. Driving a nice car. Having cute, stylish clothes. Buying this, buying that. Watching this TV show. Etc....Seriously! Does it really matter. No. Maybe to the world it does. But what if everything were taken away from you. And all you had left was your knowledge.
A man I know said this statement: "If everything were taken away from me, I'm grateful to know they can't take my greatest treasure, my testimony."
I would have to agree with this statement.

Lesson Learned:
"Are you trashing your treasure and treasuring your trash?"

What am I doing to cherish my greatest treasure. To ensure that I will always have it and use it to it's full potential. What am I doing with the rest of my treasures. My husband, my son, my family, my friends, my scriptures, my one on one time with Heavenly Father (Prayer).
On the other hand what am I doing to treasure my trash. Which in turn is causing me to trash my treasures. I'm pretty sure when we return to Heavenly Father and He asks us what we treasured and held on to through out our lives, I don't think He will be impressed with our brand new cars, gorgeous houses, stylish clothes, the newest smart phone, and that we stayed up to date with the "best" TV shows.
Treasure your treasures, not your trash.

Grateful

Lesson Learned:
"If you woke up this morning with only the things you thanked your Heavenly Father for in your prayers last night, what would you have?"
-unknown

french horn or a piccolo?

Lessons Learned:
"Truly, we may each be an instrument in the hands of God. Happily, we need not all be the same kind of instrument. Just as the instruments in an orchestra differ in size, shape, and sound, we too are different from one another. We have different talents and inclinations, but just as the French horn cannot duplicate the sound of the piccolo, neither is it necessary for us to all serve the Lord in the same way." 

(Mary Ellen Smoot)

"...No one else can do what you can do. Please do not compare yourself to others; rather bloom where you’re planted! "

 ( Janet Bradford)

"...Sometimes we question our promptings because of what I call the ‘smallness factor’.  We think that because the Lord wants us to do just a tiny thing that it is not important.  This is wrong..."

 (Janet Bradford) 

We each have our own specific purposes in this life. The Lord's work, ALL the Lord's work is important and of great worth to Him. It needs to be done. We are those that need to do it. No matter how big or small a task may feel it is still the Lord's work. I am grateful to know that as an individual, I am required to serve in my own way. 'No one else can do what I can do'  The Lord needs me over here while He needs you over there. It is all the same. It is His work. I hope to be better at 'blooming where I'm planted' so to speak. And use my talents and strengths to serve in my way. 

Convenient

It is interesting to me that as each day passes and I try to do my best with my life I find there are things easier to live then others when it comes to the gospel. For instance: I would never be tempted to try alcohol or smoke. But yet I seem to be too embarrassed to turn off/walk out of a movie if it isn't appropriate (in front of a crowd). Silly right. Living the gospel isn't just living the easy parts, but living all of it. Everybody has temptations, you might find someone that it is super easy to walk out of an inappropriate movie but battle everyday with the temptation to smoke or drink. It's okay to have temptations. That you can't control. You can control what you do with those temptations. 

Lesson Learned:

"Some men are willing to die for their faith, but they are not willing to fully live for it."

-Ezra Taft Benson

Priorities

It's interesting how sometimes I find my self "stuck in a rut" (so to speak) and it sneaked up on me oh so subtly. Are there ever times in your life when suddenly you feel "stuck"? Suddenly you realize you are not progressing the way you should. Kinda like your watching the world move around you but your not moving with it. And then you start to wonder why your not content or at peace with your life. Funny how that happens (probably too often). 

I start to evaluate my life and my daily routines. Found the problem. Were my priorities in the right spot? no. Good intentions? yes. It's that cycle we live: 1.trial 2.humility 3.faith 4.lessons learned 5.life is good 6.pride 7.back to step "1"  I always vow to never get to step 6 but somewhere between step 5 and 6 I start to get comfortable with things and slowly but surely the little things start to slip there way in in front of God. Reminds me of the on going battle in the Book of Mormon, the people sin, they repent and come to Christ, life is good, and then with the abundance of blessings they receive they slip back into pride and do it all over again. 

I'm not just talking about the big things, but little things like (don't judge, don't worry I've changed my ways): Playing words with friends before reading my scriptures or watching that TV show instead of spending time with your family. Silly I know. But really. How many things in your life do you put before the few simple things God asks us to do. It's not that doing those things are bad, but are we letting them take to higher portion of the day or letting it even just affect our way of thinking. Is it helping us progress? Good, better, or best. I choose best. 

Lesson Learned:

"When we place God first in our lives, everything else falls into place or drops out of our lives. Our love of the Lord will govern: 

the claims for our affection, 

the demands on our time, 

the interests we pursue, 

the order of our priorities.

We should place God ahead of everything else in our lives."

-Ezra Taft Benson

It's when we put Him first that we become our "best" selfs. Our lives become His path. His path isn't always easy but it is worth it. It is best. Best for us. I know that when I focus on putting Him first everything else around me falls into place. That doesn't mean I'm without trials, hardships, or afflictions but it does mean I have the peace I need to overcome such times and I have a clearer perspective on my path to Him. So yes in a sense life becomes much smoother. I no longer feel "stuck".

Rainy Days

The past few weeks have been some tough ones for me. Between sick baby, car troubles, car accident, and other  such stresses (that seemed to keep piling on, a kick me while I'm down kinda stress) things have finally started looking up (knock on wood). I can't help but feel grateful for times like these past few weeks because they tend to teach me more then any other time of life. 
It seems as though it hasn't stopped raining for a good month. And as everyone sits here and complains, I'll be honest I have loved the rain. Yes I wish it were warmer, and yes the days sometimes seem a little dreary but there is something about rain that just makes me happy. My sister Sara wrote a blog post about the such dreary weather and I really liked it.  
Lessons Learned:
"Sometimes our lives are rainy, when we want and even expect them to be sunny.  There will even be times when it is rainy for days on end and it seems like the world will not stop dumping on us. If we let them, those times might stop us from remembering and appreciating the sunny days we do have. (And we have had some beautiful, sunny days this month) But, if we remember to count our blessings, I believe we can find a measure of gratitude for the rainy times, and enjoy the sunny times that much more. I also believe that we can have moments of peace and calm, even when the storm is raging around us.Finally, I believe that sometimes we need the rain, even if we think we don't want it or need it. Flowers need both the sun and the rain to help them grow and flourish, just as we need both blessings and trials to help us grow spiritually. Sometimes we need the rain.

I still wish we could see a little more of the sun right now, but I know it will come.
It always does."
-Sara Carruth


I'm grateful for the rainy days because sometimes I think it's Heavenly Father giving me a little reminder of all the good things in my life. Another tender mercy found for me. 

Happy

Lesson Learned:
"Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections."
-Unknown

Perspective

Lesson Learned:
"Everything in the world isn't worth what the Lord has in store for you!"
                                                                  -President Barker