Love her mother

Lesson Learned:

Happy Mother's Day this weekend! 

hobby or calling

Lesson Learned:

"Motherhood is not a hobby, it is a calling. You do not collect children because you find them cuter than stamps. It is not something to do if you can squeeze the time in. It is what God gave you time for."

-Neil A. Andersen

Motherhood

{caution: one very long rambling post}
I got my wisdom teeth removed this past weekend and it has been quite the experience. Funny thing is I learned something I didn't think I would learn through this whole process. I learned about motherhood.

Everyday, I get up with Porter.  I get him out and he usually likes to cuddle with me. We usually spend the first few minutes of being awake laying in my bed while I read my scriptures and he plays on my ipod or flips through a book as well. We then proceed to make the bed, brush our teeth, get breakfast  etc... Most days are pretty much the same. Some vary depending on if it's laundry day, I have errands to run, places to go to, but all in all my days are spent taking care of this little man. He goes everywhere with me. He does everything with me. My day revolves around him. If I need to get something done that is a little more delicate like a craft I have to wait to put him down for a nap to work on it. If I want to go somewhere I have to time it so it's not during lunch or nap time or he is one grumpy kid on that particular errand.  I have to make sure to shower at times when I know he won't be destroying the house or getting into danger.  My house is a never ending cleaning chore. There's always laundry. Always dishes to do. Always vacuuming needed to be done.  No matter how many times I clean out that high chair it is never clean cause he just eats in it an hour later.  There's always picking up to do. I don't think there is ever a time it stays clean longer then 5 minutes unless we are gone.  I don't sit down much. Whether I'm cleaning or Porter is constantly needing help with something, or he needs a snack, or he needs this or he needs that. There is always something. I am always needed. Motherhood.

I never wanted to be the typical family where the husband works and the wife slaves away at home. Where there is no compromise.  It's just how it is.  I wanted something a little bit more. Just a little bit more compromise. Teamwork. However, I've always wanted to be a "stay-at-home" mom, that's why I chose the career I did, so I could support a family if I need to but I can also do it at home with my children. I don't ever think I realized what a "stay-at-home" mother entailed.  I got to a point a few weeks ago where I was in desperate need of change. My life felt very routine. I've been doing the same thing for a year and a half.  I wondered if being the "stay-at-home" mom was worth it. I wondered if I was even needed. If I was even making a difference.  I was so sick of cleaning that high chair out and changing the poopy diapers everyday, it was getting old. I started to wonder why? Why is it up to me to get all that done? Why is it my job?  Why is it I take care of Porter all day and then as soon as papa comes home he just wants him. He doesn't want me. Is my work even noticed. I don't have a pay check to prove my hard work. I don't have a boss that gives me good ratings. Sometimes I feel like I work so hard and then it just was forgotten by the end of the day.

Lesson Learned:
"No matter how dark your days may seem, no matter how insignificant you may feel, no matter how overshadowed you think you may be, your Heavenly Father has not forgotten you. In fact, He loves you, with an infinite love."
(President Dieter F. Uchtdorf)

This talk is amazing. It really really really helped me.  There were so many good things said. Everybody keeps posting it and recommend reading it, well I recommend listening to it or reading it if you haven't yet. No matter the stage of life you are in.


It hit me this weekend, really hard. I woke up Saturday morning in a lot of pain from the surgery the day before. Porter was crying. He woke up and the first thing I wanted to do was get him out of his crib and love him. Then I realized I couldn't. I couldn't move. I was incapable of being a mother this weekend. My husband did an amazing job at taking care of me and Porter.  I am so grateful.  But I learned this weekend that I am truly blessed to be a mother. I've known of many mother's who lost the ability to be a mother. (My prayers continue to go out to you.) I didn't lose a child this weekend, or permanently lose my ability to function as a human being but for a short time I couldn't be a mother. It hurt. As grateful as I was to be able to rest and heal and have my husband take care of everything, it took all I had to not get up and just start being a mom. I ached for it. I couldn't talk much either so I couldn't even tell Brian what to do. I just had to sit there and let him do it. Figure it out. Through out the weekend Porter would be sad and want to come give me a love, I couldn't even give him a normal love because I was afraid he would accidentally deck me in the mouth.  I started to realize that I truly do love doing what I do. Heavenly Father has entrusted me with one of His greatest gifts, Motherhood. I am truly blessed. I learned this weekend that I enjoy every minute of it.  At times it may seem stressful and that I go unnoticed but I realized that the greatest work I can be doing is what I'm doing. I am important.  And the best part is is I realized that it brings me so much joy. Funny how it's when lose what you have, that's when you appreciate it. Or at least you really take the time to think about appreciating it. I am grateful to be a mom. I am grateful to clean that stinking high chair out 4 times a day. Why because it reminds me that I am building a better foundation for one of Heavenly Father's children. There is nothing greater then watching your child learn and grow.  The moments when they fold their arms for the first time for prayer, or they say thank you with out you asking, or they come and give you a hug just because, those are the moments that make it worth it. The moments that give you the joy.  I will forever remember this weekend, not because of the pain and agony I went through (still trying to heal) but because I learned. I learned that I am truly blessed to be a mother. And that I truly enjoy being a mother. (all that comes with it) I will always be grateful for that knowledge and try not to take it for granted. Another tender mercy found for me. Now on to the rest of my day, being a mom. :) 

Fathers

I am grateful for all the Fathers in my life. I am grateful for my husband and the great father that he is. I am grateful to have the Priesthood in my home. It brings such wonderful blessings.

Lesson Learned:

A great work

I am so very blessed to have the mom I have. She will always be apart of who I am. Certain things I do are because of her. Parts of my testimony have been established because of her. She is the most loving and generous woman out there. She has taught me more then I deserve. I am grateful for her and for her service to me in raising me. I am grateful for her testimony and the strength she shows through tough times. I am a better person because of her. She will always be my mom and for that I am eternally blessed.
I am also very blessed to have the mother-in-law that I have. She loves me unconditionally. She is always caring for me as if I am her own child. She would do anything for me.  She hasn't been in my life that long but the time she has she has taught me a great deal. I am grateful for her example and for raising such a valiant, hardworking, loving boy. I am eternally in debt to her for giving me such an honorable man. I know he is the man he is today because of her.
I am also very blessed today because I am a mom. It has been a day of full emotions for me. As I sit and think back on the past year watching my little boy grow it amazes me. I sit here today in awe. In awe that Heavenly Father would send such a sweet perfect little boy to not perfect little me. The trust He has. I am grateful for the great honor of being a mother, I am truly blessed. It is a great joy.
I couldn't help but feel not worthy of such a day as this, as I see several people around me struggling with the loss of a child, or not being able to bare a child. I do not fully understand the pain they must be feeling on this day. But to them I am grateful for the strength they carry. I am grateful for the examples of these women. For their courage to keep facing each day.
Thank you to all the great women in my life who have strengthened, lifted, taught, and raised me! I only hope I can pass on to my children and people in my life the great lessons I have learned from you.

Lesson Learned:
"The greatest work you will ever do will be within the walls of your own home."
-Unknown

Divine Calling

This past week my little boy has been doing so much. I feel like he grew up over night. He just hit 6 months and I feel like he is already 5 yrs. He is all over the place. It is so fun for me to watch him learn. As I was enjoying this week, watching him roll all over the place, eat rice cereal for the first time, drink out of a cup, etc... I suddenly felt like I hit a brick wall. My heart sunk. I had no idea why I felt such...RESPONSIBILITY. That's right. Responsibility.  Things have been so AWESOME.  I felt like I was on top of the world. Finally getting the hang of this "mom thing".  And then without warning WORRY for my little boy's future over powered me.  I couldn't sleep all night. I felt sick inside. I even felt scared. I no longer felt confident. Doubt and failure kept running through my mind. How do I raise my little boy? All of a sudden the basics seemed hard. Where do I even start? Good heavens. After hours of complete torture, I said a little prayer. Comfort, strength, knowledge, humility, patience. I am grateful for the Lord's work. I am grateful that He knows me and is always there to guide me. "Kim, you are capable. Not only capable but you are chosen for this. You have the great privilege and duty to be a mother in Zion." 

Lessons Learned:

"The Lord has directed, Bring up your children in light and truth. To me, there is no more important human effort. Being a father or a mother is not only a great challenge; it is a divine calling. It is an effort requiring consecration. President David O. McKay (1873-1970) stated that being parents is the greatest trust that has been given to human beings."
--President James E. Faust, A Thousand Threads of Love, Ensign, Oct. 2005, 3

Virtuous Women

This past week we did a really fun activity for Young Womens. Our theme for this month is Virtuous Choices. So we had some virtuous women of the past come and speak to our girls.

We had Eve, Mary, a Stripling Warrior's Mother, Emma Smith, and Queen Esther talk. I think the girls liked it, or it could have been because they were making fun of our bad acting skills and silly costumes. I thought it ended up being a very spiritual night. We had the room only lit by lamps to kinda tone down the mood for the night. It was a big success.

Lesson Learned:
 I chose to be a Stripling Warrior's mother because of their obedience to the Lord. I can't imagine first not being able to defend for your life and second sending your son to battle not know if he would ever return to you. What a hard covenant to be obedient to. They were so brave.  I felt I could relate to this the most out of all the other Virtuous Women. I know that I have been blessed with a wonderful husband and son because of my obedience to the Lord.  There was a point in my life that I wasn't making the best decisions. It was when I asked for forgiveness and changed those things about my life the Lord blessed me. He blessed me with Brian. I have been so happy ever since.  I know my happiness has come from obedience to the Gospel.  I know I didn't have to worry for my life or send my son out to battle to keep a commandment but there definitely were hard moments and choices I had to make. People to say goodbye to. But the Lord knows best. He always will. I'm grateful for this activity and for the lessons it taught me.

Sisters

I love this story:

"I walked into the house, exhausted. It had been a long day, and I was starving. I sat at the table while my mom made dinner, telling her everything I had done that day. All of a sudden my little sister, Cherri, was at my side. She twisted her hands together nervously and didn’t quite look at me. “What happened?” I asked, not feeling very sympathetic. “You know your pearl necklace?” she replied in a small voice. “Well, I was playing with it, and it broke.” A million thoughts raced through my head. How many times had I told her not to play in my room or with my things? The necklace was hardly important, but that was beside the point. She had ignored my warnings one too many times. Somehow I managed to bite my tongue, and an exasperated sigh escaped my lips. “Come on, show me where it is,” I said. She took my hand and led me to my room. Pearls littered the floor, which wasn’t exactly clean to begin with. “What have I told you about playing in my room, Cherri?” “Not to,” she mumbled. “Okay, then, why did you?” I pressed. She just shrugged her little shoulders and looked at the floor. “I’m really sorry,” she said. “Help me clean them up, and don’t play in here again,” I said. She did so and left the room, and I put the incident behind me. The next day, I came home to an ecstatic Cherri. She grabbed my hand, jumping up and down. “I have something for you!” she said. “Sit here on the couch and I’ll be right back.” She raced downstairs and returned a few minutes later cradling something in her hands. “Here, I made it for you all by myself,” she said proudly. “Mom didn’t even help me at all!” She held out her little arms so I could see what she had made. Laying in her hands was a scrap of frayed black ribbon strung with meticulously arranged yellow and white plastic beads.“It’s a necklace!” she said, jumping up and down again. “I made it for you because I broke your other one. Do you like it?”I smiled. The necklace was a bit tacky, and yet it was beautiful. “Yes, Cherri, I love it.” I put it on and wore it the rest of the day to show my appreciation. I was so glad that I hadn’t yelled at my sister in anger and made her feel like I didn’t love her.I kept her little token of restitution in my drawer, a constant reminder that a pearl necklace could never be as special or beautiful as my frayed black ribbon with yellow and white plastic beads from a precious younger sister.”
(Liora Johns Phillips, “Pearls and Plastic Beads,” NewEra, Mar 2008, 22–23)

“So many of us make a great fuss of matters of small consequence. We are so easily offended. … I plead with you to control your tempers, to put a smile upon your faces, which will erase anger; speak out with words of love and peace, appreciation, and respect. If you will do this, your lives will be without regret. Your marriages and family relationships will be preserved. You will be much happier. You will do greater good. You will feel a sense of peace that will be wonderful.”

(President Gordon B. Hinckley, “Slow to Anger,” Ensign, Nov. 2007, 63–66.)

Being the younger sister is never easy growing up, but being the older sister might be a bit harder.  Oh the joys of sisterhood!  I love this story because it reminded me of me and my older sister.  And then it reminded me of me and my younger sisters.  Oh dear, I’ve been on both ends.  Unfortunately I don’t ever remember being that nice to my younger sisters though when they bothered me like that.  But I do remember looking up to my sister thinking she was the best person in the whole world, and if only I could be just like her, wear her clothes, have her friends, be her age, do what she does, say what she says, eat what she eats…etc…(You know what I’m talking about if you are a younger sister).  There is something special about the relationships that Heavenly Father lets us sisters have.  We truly are blessed.  So don’t take it for granted.  Lessons learned:

1.    It’s better to ask permission then forgiveness.

2. President Hinckley was a great man and had many wonderful things to say.

3.  Read the church magazines. They have great stories. 

4. Stop to think before you choose to get offended or angry.

5.  Love your sisters.  They can become some of your best friends.  True that.

6.  It’s ok to want to be like your older sister.

7. It’s ok for your younger sisters to want to be just like you and try to copy everything you do.

8. Bitterness only hurts you.